2Dismine

Have you got something or someone in your life you've had for years? Something you're so used to and familiar with that its just part of your life as much as the blood that runs in your veins? Something you're so used to that although if it was taken away from you and you'd be hopeless without it, like the oxygen you breathe but there are times where you're so used to it that you start to take it for granted?

Never ever take it for granted. The blood in your veins and the oxygen you breathe may not be things you always are conscious of, but you still need them to live. Why you would take something for granted that you rely on so much? And its no excuse to say that you thought they were always going to be there. That there would never be a time where they would be gone. Because if you are that complacent with something that means that much to you, you will surely lose it. Complacency is an insult to what you rely on. Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at what you have, how truly wonderfully blessed and lucky you are to have what you have. If you did this more often you'd never take something so true for granted.

Problem is, thats what I did. And I didn't take a step back, not once. I let the warnings wash over me so foolishly, because I was that complacent with what I had. So, it left me.

If it leaves you, I can assure you, its like being taken out of your numbing airless bubble of complaceny and thrown out into the worst storm imaginable. The hurt is the most potent, right in the centre of your chest, a seizing pain that makes it hard to breathe properly, and it comes at you in waves, so the moment one wave has passed and you've had time to catch your breath, it takes you under again. And the fight between desperation and doubt is something that will literally split your skull in half. The desperation of trying to think of any measure of things you could do to bring back what you lost. And the doubt that theres nothing, not a single thing you can do. But the worst worst worst part, is the blackening looming poisonous fear. The fear of what could happen and what might never happen. Its always there, toturing you and making you think about what you had once and how it'll never come back to you, and you can never ever have it again. Like its taking every memory you have, holding it above you and tainting it with black. But then it gets even worse, not what it makes you remember, but what it makes you create in your mind. It grips you and makes you think about the worst scenarios imaginable. How what you had will not only never come back, but will go to someone else. And the very suggestion, let alone the hours of thinking about that, makes you wish you weren't conscious for anything. You don't want to move, you don't want to talk, you don't want to eat, you just wish you could sleep and let sleep take the thoughts away.

And you know that deep down, you deserve all this. Thats what you get for taking something you truly love for granted. Its completely your fault.
And you don't have time on your side. Time is not the biggest healer. Time passes so slowly in the presence of pain. It feels like a week already has passed. Time makes everything worse.

Dude. I have a Canon 500d now. Yay.

Also, I got a paid job as a Scarer for the summer. No joke. Like in Monsters Inc. Best job ever.

And I also met the Doctor.

And I'm 21.

And I've finished my 2nd year of University.

Also my dad sucks.

The end.

Well ain't it been a while?
In a nutshell since no-one on here really cares about what crap I put on here;

I'm in 2nd year of Uni, much better now I actually have company aka: boyfriend (4 years last October). He's doing Graphic Design and still can actually draw unlike me as always.

I turned 21 on 1st Feb, I've already been too old for my liking for 11 years.

I go to MCM Expos twice a year now, and I'm fully into cosplay (doing a Uni project on it).

And in case anyone hasn't noticed, I don't draw now. I spent a year or two copying stuff out of Gorillaz fanart and thought I could draw, but being around my best friends made me realise I really was kidding myself. What with my best friend Biba being so natural she rarely needs references, and Shaun producing incredible tattoos designs like its nothing, and another one of my friends doing Animation in Bournemouth and basically being a celeb on here, I've finally realised I will never be able to draw. I make cosplays now, and I want to specialise in prosthetics and fx makeup.

So yup.

sherbetparanoia.tumblr.com/

I has a tumblr. Its possibly the reason as to why I never update this thing.

Also, University has kinda sapped away all of my enthusiasm. For the record, University sucks. Kbai.

Am 20 years old today.


FUCK.


Although the postman just came to my house. Twice. Yay.